Karma

Lisa never felt so much pain inside her until now, and she knew she had a lot to compare with, because somehow her life was always bringing pain and sorrow. But this time it was so much more difficult, because it felt like a slow and painful illness.

After the incident when the SDF1 was destroyed and everybody Lisa loved and cared about died, leaving her behind , alone, Rick Hunter found out he cared deeply for her and he also realized that Minmei wasn’t the woman for him. Rick felt in that time more frustration than pain, because his sweetheart chose her career and glamorous life rather than him. But deep inside, he was glad that he wasn’t alone. Luckily for him, when he found himself in solitude again, the warmth and love of Lisa Hayes was already there waiting for him with open arms, even when she was devastated by the loss of the crew of the SDF-1, her surrogate family. Lisa and Rick started living together almost as soon as Rick said to her that he loved her. Lisa, at first, needed the company, and security that Rick’s hands and soul brought to her. Rick, for his part, was glad to find someone who could share his same interests, and that who was completely and absolutely in love with him. After just six months, they got married in a simple ceremony and since then, one year passed in their lives.

Lisa now remembered those times with a feeling of regret. She knew that she acted impulsivey for the first time in her life, and after a year with him, she knew that was the wrong. She loved him too much, and even when she tried her best to make him love her, she knew deep down that it was hopeless and she knew it by the way looked at her. Their life together was beautiful, they had fun, they certainly didn’t have any problems in bed and she knew that Rick loved her, but it wasn’t the way she love him. She felt him inside like he was part of her own soul. She certainly had problems with him like any other couple in the world, but he always held back with her, and that hurt her.

Sadly, 2 weeks ago her nightmares were confirmed. After a year without hearing from or seeing Minmei, she came back into their lives and the first thing she did was look for Rick. Lisa remembered clearly the day she picked up the phone and recognized the voice of the girl. Lisa’s heart almost stopped and she almost couldn’t breathe when Rick answered and looked at her with guilt. She looked away in that opportunity and gave him enough privacy, but remembered his sad tone of voice when he said to Minmei ‘I’m married now, to Lisa’. She remembered the sound of his voice, so deep and full of sorrow. She knew he regretted it, because she never thought in her life that the words ‘I’m married to’ could sound more like a prison sentence than a good thing. Lisa hid herself in the bathroom and with the excuse of taking a bath, cried for hours.

She was all alone. It was saturday afternoon and she still was thinking about the events of the night before. It was a charity event and Rick asked her to join him there. She took good care of herself and bought an evening gown. The fashion day wasn’t exactly nice, because every time she remembered Claudia making jokes of past fashions during shopping, and Lisa felt alone again. But even with that, she chose a very un-Lisa, black long dress with a low cut in the back and in the front. She looked completely sexy with it. She knew that she put more than money in that dress, she knew she put her hopes in it, too. Lisa went home, changed and waited for Rick. When he came home, his jaw hit the floor. He took her into his arms and kissed her with passion. They enjoyed each other for sometime until he went and change himself.

Both Rick and Lisa arrived at the event joyfully, but Lisa’s dream date was suddenly cancelled when Minmei came straight from her place to meet them. It was sure that the girl looked at Lisa with an amazed gaze, but Minmei was confident in her looks, and Lisa wasn’t. Rick hesitation didn’t help either, and after a polite greeting, Lisa disappeared to the bar.

From her view, she saw how Rick and Minmei talked and laughed with good humor. They weren’t just two old friends, they were more intimate than that, and Lisa knew it. After a while, Rick remembered that he was with his wife and started looking for her. When he found her, Lisa hid her pain one more time. It didn’t matter what people said to her about her looks, It didn’t matter how people congratulated her for her last job. Lisa knew that Minmei was looking at Rick through the back of her head.

Automatically, she grabbed his arm with hers and Rick smiled widely and asked her to dance. That brought some joy again, but one more time, Minmei interrupted in the middle of the slow dance and ask for a dance with her ‘old friend’. Lisa swallowed hard and nicely gave her space to the shining girl. Rick didn’t notice when Lisa went one more time to the bar and hid herself behind a glass of scotch. From her seat she saw how Rick’s arms where around the narrow waist of perfect Miss Macross, how their eyes met and even how their noses almost touched. Lisa felt like her heart was broken into a thousand pieces when Rick looked back to Minmei lips and then nodded to himself, remembering he was married now.

‘Married now? Thought Lisa sitting at her desk alone at home the day after. She knew she couldn’t lie anymore to herself or Rick. He loved Minmei and he probably always will. Her tears wet her face one more time from this realization. She knew that it was a mistake to accept his marriage proposal, she knew deep down that neither of them were ready for it. But she hoped, hoped for them, hoped for a life together, hoped for him to love her, but now the harsh of reality hit her in the face, hard.

She thought a moment what she felt for him, how much and deeply her love went for him. Almost ashamed, she realized she would do anything for him, even if it was against any rule she had. She would die for him if she needed to, because she knew that his presence was enough for her to make her feel all right. But now, after a year in his arms, learning more about him, feeling his need, his temper, she knew that she would do even more than that. She would do even something that would kill her slowly to see him happy. His happiness was her own life. She suddenly saw their wedding picture on her desk, and she took it slowly. Her hands touched the cold glass where Rick’s smile face was looking at her lovingly. One tear escaped from Lisa’s eyes and fell onto the picture frame.

Lisa cried at her desk as the sun was going down in the sky. She cried her soul out until her sobs where constant and almost didn’t let her breathe. She sat up, feeling dizzy and tried to catch her breath. She felt a physical pain in her chest, but she didn’t care. She could die this moment and wouldn’t care. The sun almost disappeared over the horizon and Lisa’s eyes focused on the view, she sobbed one more time and with shaking hands grabbed a piece of paper.

When Rick came home after his patrol, he found that Lisa had the dinner done on a beautiful table. Rick grinned from ear to ear and wondered if he missed something.
“Wasn’t our anniversary 3 weeks ago?” he said kissing her cheek. Lisa smile sadly and hid her pain, one more time.

“Yes, but I just wanted to make something nice, after all its saturday” she said and turned off the stove.

Rick smiled from ear to ear and ran to wash his hands. When he came back, he sat and waiedt for Lisa. They ate the simple but really nice dinner and talked about the world. Rick told her about his day. Lisa listened with attention to everything he said, like she was recording in her brain every little word, tone and look of his face.

“Are you all right?” asked Rick suddenly holding her hand with him. Lisa looked at him and almost couldn’t breathe, she held her tears and nodded to him.
“Yes” she whispered and one single tear escaped and Rick gasped. He stood up and held her in his arms.
“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” he said comforting her, which made Lisa feel even worst. She held herself against him and nodded again.
“I’m fine, really…I’m just…well….kind of sensitive” she said and Rick looked in her eyes for an honest answer. She looked at him and Rick wasn’t convinced with that.
“Rick” she said and her hand took his.
“Yes?” he asked
“Would you make love to me tonight?” she asked sadly. Rick opened his eyes wider and knew something was wrong, because of the look on her face.
“Lisa, you know you don’t need to ask me for that” he said and tenderly touched her cheek with his thumb “But I want to know what happened with you”.

Lisa swallowed and looked into his eyes. She wanted to tell him, she needed to free her soul and tell him what she was feeling, what she was thinking. But she couldn’t. Lisa was beyond the line where she could pretend that nothing happened anymore. This was a pain that she was going to keep for herself, for the rest of her life.

“I need you” she said and put her arms around his neck in a embrace. “I need to feel you next to me, I need to touch you…I need you to make me feel alive” she whispered truthfully with her eyes full of tears.

Rick didn’t know what to think or say, but his first reaction was to hold her closer to his heart. They both hugged each other and Rick kissed her head tenderly.
“Please” she said against his neck, trying not to sob, “please make love to me” she said and then looked at him.

Rick looked at her and kissed her on the lips. He didn’t know why she was so sad, but looking at her in that way worried him, even more… scared him.

The kiss was something that Rick never felt before in his life, it was bittersweet and full of love, it was a sad kiss. Lisa gave to Rick everything she was in that simple gesture. Rick felt overwhelmed for so many emotions.
When they stopped, Rick looked at her for a while. She was perfect and he wondered why he didn’t notice that earlier. Rick kissed her tears away and then took her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

After a few hours, Lisa looked at Rick sleeping next to her. The moonlight was all the light in the room, but it was enough for Lisa. She had a clearer view of his face. She traced his face slowly with her finger, barely touching him, but enough to memorize every single line, every single detail. He was so beautiful. His nose was perfect and his lips inviting. He was breathing softly and his hair fell into his face. Lisa sadly smiled and, for the last time, took his soft hair and tucked it away behind his ear. Lisa almost started to cry, but she composed herself and just come closer to his ear and whispered to his sleeping form.

“Rick, I love you”.

But Rick didn’t wake. Lisa kissed his lips softly and got up from bed. After a few minutes, she looked at him one more time, wearing her uniform, and when she left a letter on his nightstand, one tear fell onto the wood of the table.

When Rick woke up a few hours later, he turned around in bed and found that Lisa wasn’t there anymore. He focused his eyes after a while and found out that the sun was just raising in the sky. He called her but nobody responded. Rick went to see if she was in the kitchen or in the bathroom but she wasn’t.

Rick couldn’t stop the painful feeling inside his chest. He looked around in vain one more time and nothing. He was chilled to the bone. He walked to the bedroom one more time and then he saw the letter on his nightstand. Quickly, he took it and opened it, recognizing the handwriting.

“My dear Rick:

I know that when you find this letter you will not understand what it is about, but I will tell you. This letter is the last thing you will see of me for a long, long time. Maybe you will not understand why I’m leaving. I know that you don’t love me, and even when you tried your best, you couldn’t. I’m glad that we made an effort, but I can’t fool myself anymore with it. I love you too much to see you in pain, and I know that deep inside, being with someone you don’t love, even if you care about her, sooner or later will bring pain and frustration, and I don’t want that for you, because I love you too much for that. This is the reason why I’m leaving, because I learned that real love means to setting free what you really want, even if that kills you.

Maybe it was wrong for us to jump into a marriage so soon. Being alone or afraid after losing the ones you love is not a good reason to commit to something for life, and that was our reason.

I know you too well, I know that you will feel guilty and you will try to find me, but don’t, because I’m going to disappear from your life and give you the only gift I can, freedom. Don’t be afraid to love Rick, because its the one feeling that will follow you to the end of time, and I know, because it’s the only thing that I will bring with me. Look for Minmei, I know you love her and I know she loves you. No matter what, accept that and be happy.

Thank you for giving me the best year of my life. Thank you for making me feel whole, secure and beautiful since I was a child, when I used to have a family. Thank you for all the little details we shared. Thank you for being you and teaching me to be a better person.

I love you and I will love you forever. Please be happy, for me.
Lisa”

When Rick ended the letter he was shaking. He couldn’t breathe and felt even dizzy. His lower lip was quivering and a tear fell from his eye to the letter. ‘no, this is not happening’ he thought and tried to do something. He felt his heart breaking in thousand pieces, because now he understood the pain she felt all these years for him, and now he felt it for her. Rick stood up and held himself against the wall. ‘She can’t leave me, she can’t!, what am I going to do without her? I need her! I need her too much for…for…I just need her in my life!’ he thought and then fell onto the floor holding the letter. He looked at it one more time and touched her letters. Slowly. She loved him that much that she set him free, but free from what? He thought. Until then, he truly believed that he was in that marriage because he didn’t want to be alone, but it was more than that. With just a year, he made himself dependent on her, on her presence, oo her love. He knew she loved him, but now that she was gone, he realized he needed her because she was the one who could make the blood run in his veins everyday, because she was his best friend, his lover, his partner. He needed her because she transformed herself into the reason to keep going, even with all the bad. He needed her simply because...he loved her.

That realization shocked Rick and kicked him in the guts. He loved her more than anything in the world and he missed her. He missed her. She left him. Rick stood up and put on a pair of pants and a t-shirt before running to the car. He needed to find her, he needed to stop her from leaving, he needed to tell her, that he loved her.

Lisa looked to the horizon. She was on the cliff where the ruins of the SDF-1 were. The sun was raising slowly and she closed her eyes and felt the warmth of the first sunlight. She looked down where the rest of the ship and her family were. This was the only place where she felt close to life again, just because of the memories. Lisa remembered once again all the details of her life since she was a child. She remembered her mother and her piano. She remembered her father and how much they loved each other. She remembered Karl and her first kiss. She remembered the girls from the SDF-1 and the jokes, she remembered Claudia, Roy and Gloval. She remembered Rick.

Tears escaped freely from her eyes and she let them run, for the first time. She had so much to give, she always had. Her soul was full of love that made her feel tired. She sat on the dusty ground, and the wind moved her hair against her face. She was so tired.

Lisa put her hands in her pocket and took out a little white bottle. She looked at it and sighed. She was sure what she wanted and needed to do. She looked around and found herself completely alone. There was no one there in her life anymore, and she didn’t have the strength to go on. Lisa was ashamed of her own weakness, but one more time, she told herself that they wasn’t anyone out there to show that she was strong, so she did was she had to.

After a few minutes, she started feeling sleepy and rested her head on the ground, next to the flowers. She looked at the sky and asked for forgiveness and then remembered her wedding and blessed Rick, wherever he was, for the last time.

Rick drove like a madman until he reached the one place he knew where Lisa could be. He looked around for a car or something, but he didn’t see anything. He parked and ran around calling for Lisa until he passed the woods and found the cliff. He looked around to the rest of the SDF-1 but couldn’t see her down there either. He passed a hand through his hair and then he saw her, on the floor a few feet away from him.

Rick felt the wind knocked out of his stomach. His heart pumped fast against his chest and the air missed his lungs. He walked next to her and slowly, turned her face to him. She looked like she was sleeping peacefully against the white flowers, but when Rick touched her face, she was already cold.

Rick started to cry like a child and held her in his arms. He cried for being too late, and for the pain she endured because of him.

“I love you Lisa, please came back….please….listen to me baby…I love you so much…don’t leave me, please. I can’t go on without you, you are my wife, my love! I need you Lisa, baby don’t…” he said and couldn’t spoke anymore. His tears ran freely down his face and he sobbed against her hair. He held her closer and prayed for a miracle that she be returned to him. He cried and shouted until he had no more strength. He kissed her forehead and asked for forgiveness. He repeat over and over again that he loved her, but it was too late, she was gone forever.

It was a lovely morning when Rick walked by, one more, time around the resting place of what was the SDF-1, the ship that changed his destiny forever. In his arms he carried a beautiful jar and he looked at it. His hands weren’t the same anymore, and it was perfectly normal, considering that 50 years passed since the day Lisa died. His hair was silver now and his once handsome face showed the years on it. But he didn’t care anymore.

After Lisa's death, Rick never was the same again. After months of loneliness, he realized that if Lisa were with him, she would never let him pity himself in that way, so in her memory, he got up. For Lisa, his wife, he took the command of the new SDF-3 and came through on his promise to Lisa and took her aches to the stars.

During 50 years he never was with any other woman. Several of them came into his path, but he never could accept anybody else love or interest, not even Minmei who was right there with him the whole time. After knowing Lisa for so many years without realizing she was the only woman for him, his only and true love, Rick never accepted not even a date with anybody else. But he didn’t regret it, because he never felt alone, no matter what. He always felt her presence around, taking care of him like an guardian angel, every day, every second, for the past 50 years.

Rick looked to the blue sky of earth one more time and smiled.

“I take you back were we belong Lisa” he said and opened the jar. “Its time for you to rest from this selfish husband of yours and be free. I love you baby…and I will, for the rest of my time” he said, and then slowly the aches danced in the air and moved like a feather in the wind. Rick smiled and threw a kiss to her direction one more time. That night in his sleep, Rick Hunter passed away.

A light came at the end of the black tunnel, and he followed it. He didn’t feel fear, he didn’t feel pain, all that he knew was that he needed to go into the light. When he finally reached it, he felt the warmth and calm off the morning sun in summer.

“There you are” said a familiar voice and Rick turned around to see someone coming next to him and he felt pure and complete joy.

“Lisa!” he said and ran to her. Lisa giggled when he took her in his arms and turned her around in the air.

“You are here! You are fine” he said looking at her pretty face.
“I've been here for a while Rick, and I missed you too” she said kissing him. He kissed her back and cried from happiness.
“I love you so much” he said sobbing against her neck.
“I know” she said holding him closely “I love you too”
“I’m sorry for what I did…I sorry if I didn’t say it on time” he explained holding her hands, but Lisa nodded.
“Don’t worry Rick, that was how it was supposed to happened. We all have a lifetime to learn, and I learned my lesson” she said kissing his tears away.
“But you died, and it was my fault” he said and kissed her forehead.
“No, It wasn’t. My death was necessary so you could learn too” she said and looked into his baby blue eyes and smiled.
“But it wasn’t fair. I learned, I know…but I missed you so much”.
“Everything happens for a reason Rick, you just wait and you will see” Lisa said one more time.
“I’m going to be with you forever Lisa. I promise you that. We will, because you are my soul mate. You are the only one for me even throughout eternity, and now I know” he said and held her closer.

Lisa smiled widely and they kissed one more time. Their forms disappeared slowly and joined together in lights of pure energy that danced together. The energies of their souls flew away through the sky more and more further away, but always together.

A little girl cried on the playground. She sobbed against her hands while a bunch of children laughed at her and ran away.
“Don’t cry” said a voice and the little girl looked up. She had black straight hair, brown eyes and fair skin.
“Those kids just wanted to played with you for your toys, don’t worry, they are fools” said the voice and a little blond boy sat next to her.
“How do you know?” said the girl clearing her tears away with her sleeve.
“Because I saw them” said the boy raising an eyebrow and looking at the girl with a sarcastic smile. She frowned for a second and looked at him suspiciously.
“And how do I know if you are not one of them?” she asked and the boy laughed.
“Because….I probably have more toys than you and all those kids together, silly” said the blond little boy and smiled to her.
“Hmmm….I never saw you before” she said playing with the sand of the sandbox “How old are you?”.
“You asked a lot of questions!” he said annoyed but smiled again “I’m seven” he said proud “You?”
“I’m going to be seven next week” she said.
“AHA! I’m older then, you have to obey me!” he joked, but the girl got angry.
“No way! I’m not going to obey you! I don’t obey my sister and she’s older than you” she said smirking.
“Hmm…well ok, I thought I could have luck and boss someone. My brother is older too, he’s 9 and he always tease me” he said.
“My sister is 9 too, there she is, having a race with her bicycle with that boy over there”
“That’s my brother!” he said amazed “WOW! Your sister is pretty good, I never saw someone beating Roy before!” said the boy smiling from ear to ear.
“Yeah, Claudia likes to compete all the time in everything” said the girl and made a hole in the sand. The boy looked at her, sat with her and helped her.
“I live in the house next to you, we moved yesterday” said the little boy and the girl looked at him straight in his blue eyes. He was familiar in some way, but she couldn’t remember.
“Cool” she answered him smiling “we can be friends then! Did you know that there’s a door in the basement that joins our two houses?” she asked with shinning eyes.
“Wow! Really? That’s too cool!” said the boy and added “yeah, we can be friends, but you have to obey me” he said smirking.
“No way!” she answered angry again and the boy laughed.
“You are funny, you always get angry so easily?” asked the boy again.
“That’s what my sister says all the time, but I don’t care…” frowned the black haired girl and made a bigger hole.
“Ok, ok, I always bother people, but its just for fun, so don’t get angry with me all the time, deal?” offered the boy extending a hand to her. She took it.
“Deal” she answered, when another voice took their attention.
“C’mon kids, time to go home” said the girls mother.
“Have to go” said the girl and this time the boy frowned.
“I will see you again?” he asked sadly.
“Of course silly! Didn’t you say we were neighbors? Duh!” joked the girl and the boy blushed.
“Hehehe, I forgot” he said touching his head embarrassed. “Let’s try to open that door later!”
“Sure” said the girl and walked away waving, but the boy ran after her.
“Wait! I didn’t ask your name”, said the boy breathing hard from the run.
The girl smiled from ear to ear and didn’t know why her heart was pumping faster “My name is Elizabeth, but everybody calls me Lisa” she answered “and you?”.
The boy looked into her brown eyes and blushed, feeling butterflies in his stomach “I’m Richard, but It’s too long, so call me Rick” he said, and both kids felt a warm feeling inside, making them feel completely and unknowingly happy.